I talked with my parents last week and told them everything that had been going on. They really helped me sort things out and feel better. It's amazing how the hardest call to make is usually the most necessary to make. I love my folks.
I've hit rock bottom, both emotionally and spiritually. I have done things recently that I never dreamed I would do. After regaining trust, I intentionally abused it and violated privacy to fuel the emotions of anger and jealousy that overwealmed me. In effect, I ruined any chance at regaining what could have been perfect. What the fuck have I done? It was hard enought to live with myself after ruining a relationship, but just when I was getting back on track with my thoughts and actions, I did this. It's amazing how pathetic I can be. It's amazing how I can just become a bad person all of the sudden. I wonder how I can live with myself.
